Don We Now Our Hillary-ous Apparel – You Dont say By Ray Hudson Vol. 98

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Ray Hudson
Ray Hudson
Ray Hudson

With almost every pronouncement of the past year and a half at least concerning a possibility of a Clinton or Trump presidency, and while the fairy dust of the aftermath is still floating about the air, I felt it was about time we had a little clever fun.

Many years ago (than I care to count) I worked for a company that produced credit reports on companies large and small, and although there is little humour in that, especially if you get turned down for financing, I did discover an enormous number of company names that were memorable. Case in point, I recall an excavating and drain contractor named Percy Sewers and a Plumber named Drainville, but just for the fun of it I went looking for clever company names, and here are some that should put a smile on your face.

In the security and locksmithing business in Portsmouth England is the firm Surelock Homes.

Although Hillary never broke through the glass ceiling, one can take comfort in the fact that in Dallas Texas, there is a company called Pane in the Glass.
In Toronto, should the municipality decide the condition of your garden is bordering on criminal, you could call Lawn & Order Property Maintenance. Presumably they’d leave no stone unturned to do a good job.
Pubs and establishments of libation seem to be a little more precocious with clever names. Here are a few: Thistle Do Nicely, Deja Brew, Planet of the Grapes wine shoppe and Tequila Mockingbird.

Flowers: How else to demonstrate one’s clever nature: Back to the Fuchsia and Austin Flowers. Then there’s the flower fancier who just decided to run out and start a shop. Yup, called it Florist Gump. Not unlike the fellow who came out of the bush to challenge for US President: Forrest Trump!

For those who need some assistance to “run out” we present Cane & Able Mobility Healthcare, and Stubbs Prosthetics and Orthotics.
Hankering for a taste of the sea Billy? How about A Salt & Battery Fish & Chips? And while we’re into food, how about the Food Truck Jurrasic Pork, (not run by the soup nazi) Nim Com Soup, the pastry pocket company called Pita Pan.

Some resorts you’ll not likely see on Trivago: the Luna Sea Motel.  Crazy man! Ah Chew Hotel in Singapore (nothing to sneeze at); Black Butte Ranch in Oregon (it’s pronounced bute); Barf Bed and Breakfast in Barf England (we won’t bring that up again); there’s San Francisco’s Squat & Gobble Café & Crepery; and ya gotta love the Best and Delicious Japanese Sushi and Rolls, dba B.A.D. Sushi! Despite what you’ve heard about English cuisine (is there any?) they do have a chain of pubs called the Slug & Lettuce (betcha the salad bar ain’t too popular); as opposed to Lettuce Eat, and Lettuce Spray.

I love the Humpty Dumpster, the Sole Man Shoe Repair, Lord of the Fries, British Hairways, Curl Up & Dye, and Sofa So Good!

Well, that’s about enough fun for one week. I will close with several slogans that I have admired for some time now. Right here in our own backyard is a Vacuum Shop called Big Gary’s, whose motto was ‘where everything sucks but the service!’

There’s the misplaced statement of the restauranteur’s serious concern with getting your food quickly, and then sticking his foot in his mouth: “Order Anything From Our Menu and We’ll Step On It!”

And finally the example of the highest level of integrity and truth in advertising has to fall to RPM Auto Repair & Transmission whose promise is: We Guarantee Fast Service, No Matter How Long It Takes!

Don’t that just about trump everything?