Back to school edition – You don’t say by Ray Hudson Vol.88

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Ray Hudson
Ray Hudson
Ray Hudson

Happy New Year! Tuesday is the first day of the new school year and in preparation I’d like to explore political correctness gone mad in and around some schools, thankfully somewhere else.

Australia and Britain have decided to use green ink to mark children’s papers, replacing red ink because of its ‘confrontational’ nature. What would Dr. Seuss say: Green ink to mark, correct and slam, I like green ink said Sam I Am! I wonder if they will eliminate red lights at intersections for the same reason?

Tennessee, a bill passed declaring hand-holding a ‘gateway sexual activity’ with teachers facing firing for even demonstrating the action. Get a grip people! Ooops – I can’t say that – no gripping – sorry!

Hugging – Of course it’s intended to respect personal space and “unsuitable interactions” between students.  Here’s a new idea – how about simply teaching students the difference between appropriate and inappropriate behaviour? Hugging and touching is a basic human need. I refer to children’s entertainer Charlotte Diamond who advocates four hugs a day as the best medicine!

Best Friend Bad: Some UK schools have banned children making best friends in an effort to spare the feelings of others. Are you kidding??? That’s too silly even for Monty Python! Next year I hear those sensitive feelings police will ban sunrise because it might offend people who like the dark. Duh!

You think that’s nuts? The New York City Department of Education elevated stupid to an art form by banning references to “dinosaurs,” “birthdays,” “Halloween” and many other topics on city-issued tests.  Apparently these nasty words “could evoke unpleasant emotions in the students.” Oh No! Dinosaurs might imply evolution, and we must not upset the fundamentalists; birthdays aren’t celebrated by some religions so we can’t talk about those; and Halloween is about ghosts and darkness and those nasty Pagans (Boo!). Even “dancing’’ wasn’t safe because some sects object to dancing. But halleluiah (I probably can’t say that either) the city did make an exception for ballet (probably because bureaucrats like to keep people on their toes). Words that suggest wealth are excluded because they could make kids jealous (you can’t make this stuff up folks). Poverty is likewise on the forbidden list (nobody’s jealous of that one). References to divorces and diseases are a no-no, because kids taking the tests may have relatives who split from spouses or are ill. Officials (and we will all live happily ever after) say such exclusions are normal procedure. Frankly, I’m surprised the people who generated the list had the gall to come to work because someone else may have been offended that they didn’t get the job!

Here’s one you can’t lookup in your Funk & Wagnell: What do you do when the kids at school could potentially look up “inappropriate” words in the dictionary? One high school in the UK banned the Dictionary of course. Because you can’t use the dictionary any more kids, google George Orwell!

In closing, here are a few ‘excuse’ notes (as they were spelled):

  • Please exscuse John from being absent Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.
    • Please excuse my son’s tardiness. I forgot to wake him up and I did not find him till I started making the beds.
    • I was late to class because it was foggy this morning and I couldn’t find my way to school.
    • Sorry I am late for class. My foot got stuck in the toilet when the toilet paper was stuck I had to push it down with my foot.
    Why my homework wasn’t done:
    • I was kidnapped by terrorists and they only just let me go, so I didn’t have time to do it.
    • My brother stole it in a fit of sibling rivalry.
    • You said do questions 1-10. You didn’t say bring them in.

And finally, I didn’t do it (homework) because I didn’t want to add to my teacher’s heavy workload. Now that’s a considerate student, must be Canadian!