Today: Monday, July 24, 2017, 5:50 pm (PST)

Signs of the spring (and other silliness!) – Yoy don’t say by Ray Hudson Vol. 116

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Ray Hudson

Ray Hudson

Well we moved the clocks ahead, thought beautiful thoughts about the arrival of spring…AND THEN IT SNOWED! So I think the best spring tonic, that doesn’t contain alcohol, is humour.  Here is a collection of random chuckles that should get you through to the first crocus or daffodil. Be strong!

Sign on a wooden walkway around a fish plant over the harbour in Prince Rupert: “No Fishing, Fishermen Only!”

If winter comes can spring be far behind” Percy Blyth Shelley.
2017? Vancouver? In March? nah! No chance!

Sign in a theatre washroom. “This toilet is temporarily out of service … the management” Three words would do it: Out Of Service.  Never occurred to me that it would be anything other than out of service “temporarily” Beyond that, what’s with the need to indicate the sign is from “the management?” Keep off the Grass is sufficient. Is it relevant that “the management” are a necessary addition to give the sign extra weight? Unlikely anyone takes it more seriously when attributed to “the Management.”

Wise Intelligent Firework Instructions (WIFI): Light fuse, place on ground, retire quickly! One is tempted to add ‘don’t wait for pension.’

On a Wendy’s sign: Our secret ingredient is our people! What?

When regular dogs see police dogs do they say, “oh darn! It’s a cop”?

Sign on Highway #3: Deer Crossing. How do they teach the deer to do that?

True Story! The tour guide climbed off the bus at the Calgary Zoo, followed by the gaggle of senior tourists. While laconically lighting his pipe, he advised the tiger was one direction, giraffes another, and indicating with a pointing finger, “the dinosaurs are over there!” He was immediately asked, “Are they still alive?” The guide almost swallowed his pipe.

How do you know when spring is here? The Leafs are out.

You know the worst thing about daylight saving time? Staying up until two a.m.to reset the clock! Parrrrump-tshhhhh!

Here’s to St Patrick, the patron Saint of the Irish:

Why should you never iron a 4-leaf clover? You don’t want to press your luck.

Irish Toast: It is better to spend money like there’s no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there’s no money!

Irish blessing: May you never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.

I went out drinking on St Patrick’s Day, so I took a bus home…. That may not seem like a big deal to you, but I’ve never driven a bus before. Excuse me, TransLink wants their bus back!

District of North Vancouver sign: Attention Dog Guardians- pick up after your dogs. Thank you. Attention Dogs: Grrrr, bar, woof. Good dog!

Sign in the zoo: Please Be Safe. Do not stand sit climb or lean on the fences. If you fall, animals might eat you and that might make them sick. Thank you.

Billboard on the Conference Centre: Psychic fair cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances!

Ban pre-shredded cheese. Make America grate again!

Did you know that Canadians have 31 different meanings for the word “eh?”

Can? Can what? Can Nucks? Can Nucks what? Can Nucks win? Beats me!

O Canada! Spring! Three months of poor sledding until winter sets in again.

Illigitimi non carborundem

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